That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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