Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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