some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
