I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize