It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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