You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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