I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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