I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
