my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
