You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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