dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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