Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
