i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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