Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
