plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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