I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
