the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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