Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
