Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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