It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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