Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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