Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
