I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
