My room smells like vodka and shame
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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