guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
