Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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