the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
