dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
