Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
