found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
