Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
