I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
