No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
