2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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