just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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