she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
