I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your penis caused this!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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