First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
