my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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