my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish I only lived at night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
