I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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