Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
