I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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