she woke up with a sticky ear
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
