What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
