Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
