Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
