3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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