Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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