super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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